Sarah's Revolution

“I will never say why me? Cause in my mind the answer is... Why not you?” Sarah explained her story to me with the strength of a woman who didn’t have a care in the world.  Her strength didn’t come from a place lacking suffering.  Far from it.  She experienced more pain than a lot of us will ever know, but Sarah knows the suffering wasn’t what made her weak or strong.  It is her heart that gives her strength, not the circumstances of life.  She has a hope in an eternal God who promised His son would reconcile us to Him and that our hearts were far more valuable to him than the temporary suffering of this world.

“Would I trade my heart for the joys of this world? Sarah continued, Never.”

“You talk about your heart being what gives you strength, I started. How?”

Sarah and I were sitting in an office inside her office building where she worked.  It was after hours and she was boss so we had all the time we needed.  Her absolute best feature was her deeply dark hazelnut colored eyes.  You could see experience and sincerity in them as soon as she looked your way.  You could tell she was not someone to be reckoned with.  Other than her deeply dark eyes she was fair complected with lots of freckles and red or blonde hair.  I couldn’t tell in the lighting.  She looked up at me, smiled, and said “Let’s start at the beginning, shall we?”

“I was a third child abandoned by my remarried mother to a set of grandparents without any explanation at the age of seven,” Sarah jumped right in.

“Okay, wow!” I responded. “You could almost stop there.”  I knew the pain of abandonment.  But this was her story, not mine.

“At 16 my grandfather was dying, and I was asked to make the decision on whether or not to continue his life support,” she said her voice starting to get softer.  This was painful for her. “I had to pay all the bills, stay on honor roll, and I was all alone when he died. I was told by my family from another state to not cry and just move on.”

“Go on.”

“Well, I wanted to die. Why am I still here God? I would pray every night.”

“So, did things get better when you were out on your own?” I asked, hoping to get out of the awkward sadness in the room. It only got worse.

“I got married to a man I loved very much and we had a child. Life was wonderful, until I got pregnant again.”

“Oh no, I can’t even imagine the loss of a child,” I presumptuously added to her story.

“Well, yes I had miscarried before my first child was born, but no that’s not what I was going to say,” she responded graciously. “I told my husband, and he was pissed.  I don’t mean stressed financially kind of angry.  I mean like the I’m leaving you if you don’t abort this baby kind of angry.”

“What’d you do?”

Sarah began to sob. “I labored alone.”

I reached out my hand to hers and consoled her as best I could.  I was out of my grid.

“Two years later, I begged him to go to counseling with me and he wouldn’t go.  He told me what I saw is what I got and that he wasn’t going to change.”

“Wow,” I was stunned.

“That’s not the end, Sarah said.  He actually hired a hitman a few months later to kill me.  The FBI got involved and everything.”

“This is crazy!” I said

“My story gets crazier, and I experience the loss of a brother, and another husband. But let’s not leave our concentration there, because after all, that’s not the real story. During all this I believe God reached out to me, comforted me and grew me for the sake of His love being revealed.”

“Wait, you mean to tell me God wanted you to suffer?” I retorted.

“No, I mean to say that in order for his love to be truly revealed he allows us to freely choose and that comes at great risk to us humans, because not all choose to give their hearts to him. Honestly, I have no clue how my heart could ever recover without his love.”

“So, you have a recovered heart and that’s what makes you strong?” I thought I was beginning to understand.

“More than recovered, I have a heart that has experienced revolution. The eyes of my heart see in a way they never were able to before.  I have hope, not the weak kind of keeping my fingers crossed kind, but the strong faith filled kind that says I know my God will come through.” Sarah began to look excited.

Sarah continued, “He knew on the cross as He suffered, that I would suffer and that made the cost to him invaluable.  He knew that I would receive a changed heart, and that if I could do that after all I suffered, then why not anyone else, why not you?”

What this Revolution's All About

As you read through the tragedies of loss, pain, turmoil and immense longing do not lose focus on the entire intent of this blog.  The people in these stories don’t ask for pity, or for you to become so broken up with their story that you miss out on the end of these stories. 

Hope

is

found.

As more and more stories are posted remember this is a blog about revolution.  It’s a blog about revealing the hope that comes through relationship with God.  It’s about peace being found even in the darkest of hours.  The revolution isn’t about the circumstances, or the suffering, or even the hope that comes later.

This

is

about

your

heart.

So, I ask you to think upon these things when reading through the stories, remembering the sadness and pain is what makes these people insecure, broken, and lost.  But the hope is what begins the revolution.

This is what revolution looks like:

Recognizing God’s promises:

Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Colossians 2:13-14
When you were dead in your sins and in the uncircumcision of your sinful nature, God made you alive with Christ. He forgave us all our sins, having canceled the written code, with its regulations, that was against us and that stood opposed to us; he took it away, nailing it to the cross.

Recognizing God has given you a new family:

John 1:12-13
Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God- children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband's will, but born of God.

Galatians 4:6-7
Because you are sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out, "Abba, Father." So you are no longer a slave, but a son; and since you are a son, God has made you also an heir.

2 Corinthians 1:21-22
Now it is God who makes both us and you stand firm in Christ. He anointed us, set his seal of ownership on us, and put his Spirit in our hearts as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come.

Recognizing it is God who gives peace and hope:

Romans 5:1-2
Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God.

John 16:33

I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.

Recognizing you now have a new Identity:

2 Corinthians 5:17-21
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men's sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ's behalf: Be reconciled to God. God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.

Recognizing you now have a new heart:

Ezekiel 36:26

And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.

Recognizing God rescued you:

Psalm 40:1-3

I waited patiently for the Lord;
    he inclined to me and heard my cry.
 He drew me up from the pit of destruction,
    out of the miry bog,
and set my feet upon a rock,
    making my steps secure.
 He put a new song in my mouth,
    a song of praise to our God.

If you need more verses that offer hope, and insight into what the revolution of the heart looks like please don’t hesitate to comment below. I could go on for pages and pages, that’s how important your heart is to God. These stories reveal a powerful God who reaches into the midst of our pain and rescues us from the power of sin, and suffering.

The second part of revolution is what to do now that you are rescued, filled with hope and joy.  We’ll get there, in time. 

Broken Revolution

(None of these stories are fictional, only the characters, places, and other dead give away details are changed- be filled with hope!)

“Out....of.......breath!” Shiloh knew she was in trouble for running away, but she couldn’t turn back.  Not now.  Not after finally escaping. For the next few hours her angry parents would search for her.  But for Shiloh, these next few hours would be her only respite.  For these next few hours, for the first time, Shiloh was free.

“Jacksonville Police Department...”

“......let....me....catch....my....breath” Shiloh had arrived at a friend’s house and knew she didn’t have much time.  She took in a big breath and began to describe what happened to the police.  “I went into a bedroom with my Dad, and I don’t know.  He, well, he’s hit my mom and my brother and me a lot.  But he didn’t hit me this time.  I think he, well he put his hands down my pants.”

“Ma’am, where are you?”

“A friends, I ran away.”

“Well, you need to return home and I’ll send a police man right away.”

“Oh, okay.”  Shiloh was terrified, and shaken to the core by the thoughts of returning home.  It was her prison.  Her torture dungeon filled with hatred, fear, and non-stop anxiety.  She was only 12 years old and  had already seen more violence than these small town communities with school shootings.  Shiloh returned home to find a police man.  She was filled with hope.

Her hope quickly faded.

As Shiloh walked in, her mother said “Where the hell have you been?!”  “Listen officer this girl is a typical teenager thinking she knows it all, and is looking for attention.  Probably having another pity party. Nothing like that could’ve happened.  I know for a fact her dad didn’t touch her.”

Before Shiloh could speak, the officer was gone. She began to bolt for her room to hide in shame.  But even her shame filled heart was robbed from her as she felt her neck slam back.  Her dad had grabbed her hair and pulled her violently to the floor.  He turned her over, as he quickly removed his belt and began to slam his belt into wherever it would land along the backside of her body.  Then he grabbed Shiloh’s hair, yelled “don’t you ever run away again!” pulled her head back then began to slam her face into the ground over and over and over.  “No one will ever believe you slut,” he whispered before leaving her limp beaten body to recover.

Shiloh never knew the love of a dad.  Her mother didn’t protect her.  She was alone.  She was trapped. She had no hope of a rescue.

She

was

broken.

Many years later Shiloh became a mother herself.  Her children bring healing every day.  They reveal the love she longed for.  But, Shiloh knows this is only a reflection of the love offered through God.  Shiloh’s story is still unfolding.  She’s still searching for the hope, but many years of brokenness aren’t easily overcome.  Revolution isn’t easy.  God just doesn’t rescue or heal.  He gives you a new identity.  He makes you whole, and adopts you into his perfect love.  He calls you His child.

Shiloh has a new daddy.

Shiloh has a new heart.

Shiloh is experiencing revolution.

Revolution Requires Conflict

-(To Clarify this isn’t a story about my wife and I, it’s a story about a real couple in this real world)-

I spent an entire weekend researching text messages, phone logs, Facebook conversations and I desperately wanted answers.  My wife had felt distant, cold, and disconnected from me for weeks now.  I noticed it one weekend when I attempted to kiss her and all I received was a routine practiced kiss.  You know what I mean?  It was like she just went through the motions, like a mechanic who was tired of doing yet another oil change.  She wanted more, and I was desperate to give it to her.

“What is going on?” I asked in a brief moment of bravery.

“Nothing, quit asking me, geez,” she said trying to escape quickly.

“I mean it, I will not let you get away that easily,” I quickly retorted.  “As a matter of fact, I won’t stop asking until I get an answer!”

“Fine! I haven’t loved you in a long time!” she let it out.  Her face went cold.  Empty.

“What?” tears already swelling in my eyes, I barely got it out.

“As a matter of fact, I don’t even find you attractive,” the laundry list began to spill out of her mouth.  “You’re like a boy I’ve settled for, when I really deserve a sexy man!”

“You can leave now!” I didn’t know what else to say.  I demanded a response, but what now?  I began sobbing with no intent of maintaining any form of control.  I was broken.  My heart utterly destroyed.  She left.

This was day one of my horrible nightmare turned reality.  How would I fix this?  I can’t fix my face.  I can’t fix her love for me.  But dammit I wanted to.  And dammit, I deserved better, so maybe I didn’t want to.

Day two revealed more truth, as if it could get worse.  She was home, and I was home.  I couldn’t let it go.  I questioned her over and over getting nowhere, ‘til finally she broke, “I want to be with someone else.”  And there it was.

The truth.

My heart needed a revolution.  Her heart needed a revolution.  Our marriage needed a revolution.

Revolution

requires

conflict.

Our story didn’t end there.  You see enough sad news when you turn on your television.  This is a story of redemption, of reconciliation, and of revolution.  In the book of Romans Paul talks very bluntly about suffering. “We rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.”

If we run, we miss the opportunity that suffering has the ability to work in us.  I knew this. I didn’t run.  I endured.  And believe me friend; this isn’t some sappy love story.  It’s a true story.  One of commitment, trials and immense pain.  Do not run to pain; do not run from pain, but when it comes endure.  The truest revolution of the heart can’t happen if you run. 

This is my story of almost divorce, turned to beauty.  Not everyone is so lucky.  But it’s not too late for a revolution of your heart.  God wants to comfort you.  He wants to heal you.  He wants to give you new heart.  Ezekiel says it best, “I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.”

“I love you sweetie” I said today.

“I’m madly in love with you,” she said.

Wow. 

(This is based on a true story, to reveal you’re not alone in your pain and that there is hope)